dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They took my balls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
