Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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