I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
