i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
