i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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