I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
