This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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