She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
