I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize