If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
