oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this boner is exhausting
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
