So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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