I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
