you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
