I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
