Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
