i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
