I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
