I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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