I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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