i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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