I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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