Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
