She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
