Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
