when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
