I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
