he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
