I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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