Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
