That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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