Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
