just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
