and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
false alarm. still invincible.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
