I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
