My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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