My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
