You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
