You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
