At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
