awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
