hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
