News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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