wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
