she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The Olympian is in my bed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
