Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
