You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
