Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
