I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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