You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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